The HUG – Short Story

 

Scene 1- Take 16 – The decision

 She doesn’t know how to let it go. Her thoughts keep going back to that day and its unexpected events. She asked herself many times whether there was anything she should do or if she should just let it go. Did he need to know how he made her feel? Would he want to? There were too many questions that she had no answer to. Finally, she decided to take a leap of faith and for the first time in her life tell a man that she doesn’t know how he made her feel. She took the decision, dismissed her ego and picked up her pen …

 Scene 2- Take 5 – The Reasons

She starts writing….” I see you reading this post in the morning as you sip your coffee and light up your first cigarette. My words are the first thing you read today and they will be entangled with the kick of the first drag of your cigarette and the first sip of your coffee. At that exact moment, I will transport you into my world.

I am writing to you because I prefer a life of “Oh wells” rather than “What ifs”. When we want something so much, we should be careful not to grasp it too tightly or it will crumble in our hands and will never be whole again. Instead, we should place it gently in our palms and let it wander freely where it is meant to be. I want to let you know how I felt when we met and what it meant to me. It is my way to set it free, to lay it down gently in my palm and let it go wherever it needs to go. And finally, I am writing to you because writing has always been my way to transcend my emotions.

 Scene 3, Take 1 – The day before

So, what’s the story? What happened? Let me begin with the facts: I didn’t know you and I still don’t really know you. I had never seen you in real life, and I am not following your career. You and I are not connected in any way and I did not search for you. We live far apart and our social circles don’t intersect in any way. Then, I saw your picture on Facebook and a promotion for your new movie that was going to be screened in Toronto, and everything changed.  

I don’t know why I got so excited. But I know that I was reduced to only one thought: I wanted to see you, to hug you, and to talk to you. My “thought” was clear and precise, and the yearning of the hug kept returning again and again.

After my first outburst of emotions I envisioned seeing you and conversing with you. I knew the dialogue, the script, by heart. It was there in my mind, with no expectations and no attachments. There was nothing but the thought of being with you, feeling your presence and your energy. Nothing else seemed to matter,   nothing else was needed. For a full day, I was reduced to just wanting this moment.

I knew very little about you but I did not seek any more information. It wasn’t necessary. The world seemed to spin around me except for this one still moment in my imagination when we hugged. I felt as if I was losing my mind. What was this suddenly awakened desire, who was this guy?

I woke up, forced myself to get into a dress and put on a piece of jewellery.  I let my hair down and gathered my headphones.  I made a conscious decision to cheer up and drag myself out of this deep state of being attached to my vision of our sweet meet.  I still felt stuck, yet peaceful and smooth.  It seemed as if I were living in two parallel worlds and both of those worlds felt similarly real to me.

I got off the subway, reliving the same vision for the millionth time in my head, with no before or after.  Suddenly, there you were, walking towards me.  For a second, I was confused.  “Which reality is this?” I asked myself.  You passed by me and I felt this light buzz of electricity that brought me back to the moment.  I called out your name, wondering if you were real.  You answered and I took the few steps that were separating us.  I said: “Can I hug you?”  And you said: “Of course!”

Scene 4, Take 1 – The hug

Now zoom in, slow motion.  Recall a time when you were hugged by somebody and you felt home, as if you finally arrived where you were meant to be. A deep emotion rushes through your bones and it screams inside you that this is familiar.  You had been there before and maybe this was what you have been longing and searching for all your life.

“Oh my God,” I whispered in your ears.  “Dreams do come true!”  This was not what I really wanted to say.  I meant to say so many things but all the right words had escaped. I heard myself telling you that we had to get married and I had no idea why. Thinking about it right now makes me laugh!

We talked, we walked, we joked and we hugged again.  You ate a banana and I had a smoke. I had an almost irresistible desire to touch you.  My body leaned toward you, wanting to get closer, and I had no control over it.  It was impulsive, just the way it was supposed to be. I had my sweet meet.  I had the smoke and you asked for a cigarette.

At some point I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want small-talk and I didn’t want to discuss mundane things. Sometimes we cross paths with people and suddenly we are overcome by a need to go beyond the ordinary, everyday aspects of life.  We want to hear them speak about their fears, their lives and their dreams.  We are curious to know how they view the world.  We long to discover their personal demons, how they fight them and whether they are winning.

We want to listen to their true story and tell them ours.  We feel like bursting with our own life story and want to pour it all, from beginning to end, into their heart.  We simply want to inject ourselves into their veins and flow. We want to talk about the bullying, the heartbreaks, and the sense of not fitting in, the lost ones and the fear.  We want to describe our searches, our defeats, our pain and struggles, and the near misses.  We wish to express the joy of our journey and the satisfaction from finally fitting all the pieces together.

Wow!  I was amazed how one can have a sense of belonging in somebody’s arms without actually knowing each other . . . what energy!

And then I left . . .

 Scene 5, Take 1 – The day after

I’m not sure what this is or what the future will bring.  The reality is that we live far from each other.  We live in different worlds and we do not share the same environment.  I am the healer, the professional, the light worker, the seeker, the writer, the coach, the photographer.  You are . . . I really don’t know what you are.  I only know that we both like coffee, cigarettes, dogs, and art.  That’s all.   

I believe that we create our own reality.  It’s our energy that manifests the things we want in our lives.  This is when synchronicity happens.  It involves seeing the right person at the right time and in the right place.  It means hugging that person, hearing the right words and feeling the right energy.  All I know is I want to get to know you, and I can’t explain why.

By writing this post I can allow myself to let go of this urge, this desire, and this need.  For me, our brief “moment” was on a soul level. It was an encounter in which everything around us didn’t make sense . . . and yet it did.

I have often thought that it’s a shame when people live and die without being aware of how they made us feel when we met them.  I think human beings are more powerful than they are aware of but, unfortunately, we are controlled by fear.  I believe that we co-create with God, and we tango with God.  When we master the divine dance, nothing can stop us or slow us down.  However, it takes a lifetime of continuous dancing routines to feel and then immerse in the flow that will always take us toward our emotional freedom.

So, this is what I felt and what the “moment” meant to me.  I realize that you may have an entirely different interpretation of it, and that’s okay with me.  It’s really not about you or me.  It’s about a moment in time when one’s soul feels connected to another, without a reason. Over the years, I have learned not to search for a reason and just accept and cherish it when it happens. These moments should be allowed to go wherever they need to go, but first, they need to be free and this is the whole point here.  My humble wish is that the “moment” meant something to you as well.

I know that somehow, somewhere our paths will cross again and that this will be continued.  Until then, thank you for giving me a moment that reminded me of what being home feels like. Thank you for reminding me that a feeling like this exists and that all it needs is a perfect, synchronized moment. May we both keep shining so brightly as to always find each other again, especially when nothing but darkness surrounds us.”

(Cut!  It’s a wrap.)

Signed by:

A woman, who hugged a man in downtown Toronto.

Scene 6: The End

While reading her letter I was reminded that it’s okay to put ourselves out there, to take risks and to being vulnerable.  Life is far too short not to tell someone how we feel about them. Growing up in a society where we are taught in a million ways to hide our emotions, we mastered putting layer upon layer over our feelings.  We are taught to disregard or belittle them for fear of being misunderstood, rejected, or perceived as weak or sensitive.  

 However, when we learn how to be emotionally free and how to process and deal with our feelings, there will be a completely different story awaiting us, a different outcome and new experiences with everyone we meet. To hug a man you barely know and to tell him you feel a connection to him is genuine and courageous, despite what society dictates.  The woman who behaves in this manner may be defying society’s norms, but she has gained the freedom to give and receive.  For this, I salute her and wish her the best.  We should learn from her.  It’s alright to say what we feel; it’s alright to be vulnerable.

 

Love and Light

Noha

Advertisements

Short Story: Love Scene – “Falling Into Nothingness”

Your love was like Niagara’s rushing water… used to hit me …and hit me …and I loved it

It used to take me from high up, push me, rush me far down…I hit your rocks…a big splash throwing me again high up like a Queen…and here we go …you push me, rush me, I tug and wrest while falling ….and once again …a splash….

I loved falling so hard …hitting your rocks; that was the ecstasy! …I was breathlessly, carelessly, dreadfully, heavenly, perfectly falling in love with you …over and over and over…

I kept falling day and night.. Up and down…till one day I fell into nothingness…

No rocks, no splashes, no drugs, no screams, no dreams, no arms, no tears, no whispers, no queens,  no ghosts, no fears, no rush, no pull, no push,….. Nothing……..

I kept falling with nothing to hit me, stop me, wake me up, not sure I am up or down……… just one endless moment of eternal falling into nothingness…..

That’s the absence of your love………..

************

The Way I See It:

The hardest moments are “after the fact”, after you tried your best to keep your love story as alive as you can …it’s after YOU are convinced that there is nothing you can do will bring it back to life. Hearing this inner voice, coming from within, saying “We lost it….” It’s this moment of putting your story down into this huge grave where all “ended love stories” rest in peace. It’s this nothingness, silence, mourning, emptiness, clueless, wearing feeling – That hurts the most….

But then …after a while ….you have to take a decision, to choose, either to keep standing on it’s grave…falling into nothingness …re-living over and over the same memories or to leave a rose, sealed with a kiss, throw a small written note, saying “Remember me….” then keep going and move on…having the faith ..That if you could fall in love once…you can fall in love twice…..if you believed in love once…you can believe in love twice…and above all ….choose to believe in yourself ……and believe that falling in love was never wrong or a mistake! Love is this thing that reminds us “No matter how tough we played in this life…there is always “this look” from “this someone” that will makes us melt on our seats…transforming us to rushing water…splashes… hit……..up….down……..falling…….

Love & Lights

Noha

Niagara Falls - Photo and Illustration by Noha Hassan
Niagara Falls – Photo and Illustration by Noha Hassan

Short Story: Love Scene – “Skin Pillow”

 
Like a hot rushing shower after a long day
That night… they made love
They shared this mutual look of satisfaction
 
She squeezed herself from underneath his arms…
There is this little place…They knew it’s hers …it’s her “skin pillow”
She always puts her sweaty head on it
And they get too close to smell each others’ tiredness, Weariness and love 
 
There…. they usually share their last drops of words …
– I love you …
– I love you too …(squeezing her head more and more)
  In her sacred space in between his shoulder and head
– You know …if you leave me …I will never believe in love again
– ………(smile)…….(kiss)……….I will never leave you ……..
 
“Later on in the story …”
 
She is trying to sleep ….alone in her bed….
Can’t find a comfy position for her head ….
This is the 5th pillow she bought this month….
None of which were snug…like this space between his shoulder and head…….
She had tears in her eyes ….crossed her hands …and said:
 
“God give me the strength to believe in tomorrow …and I will buy a new pillow!”
 
The Way I see It: it’s only this “believe” in tomorrow and our determination to end our suffering in the “present” that lead us to overcome the greatest pain……..So if you are still there in this moment of searching for your “skin pillow” just keep believing that you can change it ..no one else will do it for you …not him, her, them or even God “unless YOU ask him so”….
 
Your Love was like Niagara Falls Rushing Water - Photo by Noha Hassan

Your Love was like Niagara Falls Rushing Water - Photo by Noha Hassan

Love & Lights
Noha

%d bloggers like this: